Greta vs. Taint

2022 ends with the Swedish environmental activist utterly humiliating an accused sex trafficker almost twice her age who attempted to taunt her.

The always enlightening Rebecca Solnit has written a short piece for The Guardian. Its headline is: “Greta Thunberg ends year with one of the greatest tweets in history”. This very well may be true. If not “one of the greatest tweets in history”, then certainly one of the most famous tweets in history. The amazing thing is there are two tweets to consider and it’s difficult to say to which one Solnit is referring.

As Solnit explains, on December 27, Andrew Tate, a 36-year-old “former kickboxer, professional misogynist and online entrepreneur” — as well as a MAGA douche-bro accused of rape and human trafficking — “sent a boastfully hostile tweet to climate activist Greta Thunberg, 19, about his sports car collection”. It does not appear as if anything in particular, beyond Tate’s innate assholery, prompted this initial tweet.

Andrew Tate @Cobratate

Hello @GretaThunberg I have 33 cars. My Bugatti has a w16 8.0L quad turbo. My TWO Ferrari 812 competizione have 6.5L v12s. This is just the start. Please provide your email address so I can send a complete list of my car collection and their respective enormous emissions.

Solnit:

Cars are routinely tokens of virility and status for men, and the image accompanying his tweet of him pumping gas into one of his vehicles, coupled with his claims about their “enormous emissions”, had unsolicited dick pic energy.

Greta Thunberg @GretaThunberg

yes, please do enlighten me. email me at smalldickenergy@getalife.com

Andrew Tate @Cobratate

Hello @GretaThunberg I have 33 cars. My Bugatti has a w16 8.0L quad turbo. My TWO Ferrari 812 competizione have 6.5L v12s. This is just the start. Please provide your email address so I can send a complete list of my car collection and their respective enormous emissions. https://t.co/ehhOBDQyYU

After Thunberg fired that fastball, Twitter exploded.

James Copley @JamesCopley_

@GretaThunberg Hello. Yes, police please. I'd like to report the murder of Andrew Tate.

Lars Almquist @almquist_lars

It’s fortunate for Greta that Sweden maintains a staunchly skeptical posture toward extradition to the US, because this is a goddamn murder.

Greta Thunberg @GretaThunberg

yes, please do enlighten me. email me at smalldickenergy@getalife.com https://t.co/V8geeVvEvg

Wajahat Ali @WajahatAli

Greta Thunberg still walks free a day after committing murder in open daylight and in front of millions of witnesses. There's no law and order anymore. 😏

Jacksepticeye @Jacksepticeye

@GretaThunberg This isnt even murder, you straight up nuked him from orbit

RΛISINI ライシニ @iamraisini

🚨BREAKING Andrew Tate @Cobratate Wikipedia has been officially updated. The latest Kickboxing match result with @GretaThunberg added to his record as a Loss on his Wikipedia. CC: @ZAGrrl

Within 24 hours, Thunberg’s succinct and savage reply had shot to #22 on the list of Most-Liked Tweets of all time.

As of January 1, 1:25 PM PT, its 3,897,150 “likes” places it #4 on the list.

Ten hours passed before Tate replied.

Ten hours of the entire world laughing at him.

Ten hours — and this is what Taint fired back:

Andrew Tate @Cobratate

Thank you for confirming via your email address that you have a small penis @GretaThunberg The world was curious. And I do agree you should get a life ❤️ https://t.co/eOxIGB0mBT

Greta Thunberg @GretaThunberg

yes, please do enlighten me. email me at smalldickenergy@getalife.com https://t.co/V8geeVvEvg

And the world laughed even louder . . .

nikki mccann ramírez @NikkiMcR

@Cobratate @GretaThunberg hard to imagine this could get any more embarrassing for you but here we are

Dave Zirin @EdgeofSports

@Cobratate @GretaThunberg Lol. That’s your reply???

George Takei @GeorgeTakei

@Cobratate @GretaThunberg This is just sad. Just fold, my man. Just fold and beg forgiveness.

Zack “May Not Be Notable” Hunt @ZaackHunt

@Cobratate @GretaThunberg Remember kids: if you ever get embarrassed on Twitter and want people to respect you again, that journey begins by putting on a kimono and ordering Dominoes

Mankrik’s Wife @Marty_Shannon

@Cobratate @GretaThunberg This is truly one of the saddest things an adult has ever done

Toby Hussey @TobyHusseyWA

@Cobratate @GretaThunberg As a friend of the arts, though, I recognise and appreciate the range of expressions. Here's just some of my favourites.

And then things got even better.

Alejandra Caraballo @Esqueer_

Andrew Tate and his brother being taken into custody by Romanian authorities.

Lindy Li @lindyli

LMAO Andrew Tate was just arrested by Romanian authorities for human trafficking cuz the pizza he ordered from Jerry’s Pizza — featured in his lame ass comeback video for Greta Thunberg — confirmed that he was in Romania Really can’t make this shit up 🤣

Suchitra Vijayan @suchitrav

The year ends with @GretaThunberg owning Tate’s ass. His meltdown video allowed Romanian authorities to confirm his location and arrest him in human trafficking investigation with the pizza shop shown in his rant against Thunberg. 😂😂😂😂

Frank Lesser @sadmonsters

First time taking down a sex-trafficker actually involved a pizza place:

Rodrigo Alem Fernández @Rod_F

"One more thing Mr. Tate. That video you posted replying to Ms. Thunberg's tweet. The pizza you're eating. That's Jerry's Pizza, right? But I couldn't figure the other words on the box. You see my wife is quite good with languages and noticed that it was written in romanian..."

Mike Beauvais @MikeBeauvais

In retrospect, Andrew Tate should have known better than to order from Jerry's Pizza. It's right in their slogan.

Pop Crave @PopCrave

Andrew Tate reportedly inadvertently tipped off Romanian authorities of his presence in Romania with his response video to Greta Thunberg. The pizza boxes shown in the video are from Romanian chain Jerry’s Pizza. https://t.co/o2doT0FYA5

Keystone Old Head ↔️ #DrinkMoreGreenTea @MillyBeamen

The Romanian authorities after recognizing the Jerry's Pizza box that Andrew Tate had in that video:

Michael Tenenbaum @_MTbaum

@Esqueer_ This is one of the funniest sequences of events in human history

Later, Romanian authorities said the pizza box did not lead them to Tate’s location. Booooooooooo.

Hayes Brown @HayesBrown

FYI: Romanian authorities are denying that The Pizza Box Video had anything to do with the timing of Tate’s arrest washingtonpost.com/world/2022/12/…

Dan Diamond @ddiamond

Per the AP: A spokesperson for Romania’s anti-organized crime agency refuted widespread claims that a pizza box featured in a video posted by Andrew Tate led authorities to his arrest. “She said the claims are ‘funny, but no.’”

apnews.comDivisive social media star Andrew Tate detained in RomaniaBUCHAREST, Romania (AP) — Andrew Tate, a divisive social media personality and former professional kickboxer, was detained in Romania on charges of human trafficking and rape, an official said Friday.

That was a bit of a letdown.

But then . . .

Greta Thunberg @GretaThunberg

this is what happens when you don’t recycle your pizza boxes

Fuckin' hell . . .

Adam Parkhomenko @AdamParkhomenko

@GretaThunberg Holy shit

Holy shit, indeed. No link, no name, no nothing, just an unremarkable short random comment about recycling pizza boxes! Truly brilliant.

Himanshu Pareek @Sports_Himanshu

@GretaThunberg As a climate activist, you aren't setting a great example by that much burning.

Bess Kalb @bessbell

@GretaThunberg You already murdered him so this is legally desecration of a corpse.

Jeff Tiedrich @itsJeffTiedrich

@GretaThunberg I want to be Greta Thunberg when I grow up

Fred Wellman @FPWellman

@GretaThunberg “I would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for that meddling kid!”

grovy 🥭 @grovymango

Andrew Tate’s cars killing themselves after Greta got him arrested

Jeff Tiedrich @itsJeffTiedrich

holy fucking shit, wingnut dipshits are melting straight the fuck down and throwing a twenty-megaton technicolor shit-fit because Greta Thunberg made Andrew Tate look like the utter clownshoes fool that he is and I for one could not be more amused. cope and seethe, knuckleheads

Greta’s second tweet has been liked more than 3.5 million times. It’s #7! lol

The pizza box theory may not be true, but I’m going to keep believing it anyway. . . . “Print the legend”. (It makes more sense than blaming “the Matrix”.)

What is true: Tate has been forever branded as “the pathetic faux-macho guy who was absolutely destroyed by Greta Thunberg on Twitter”.

Greta Thunberg celebrates her 20th birthday the day after tomorrow.

Maybe Jerry’s will send her a pizza.