Mike Pence Defeated By Gas Pump
* beep * beep * beep * beep * beep * beep *
Mike “I Might Still Vote For The Guy Who Attempted To Get A Crowd To Murder Me And My Wife, Our Daughter, And My Brother (And Recently Called Me ‘Delusional’)” Pence released a video yesterday in which he jabbers on about gas while pretending to fill up his truck’s tank.
In the video, Pence gets out of a straight-off-the-lot truck while wearing his “regular guy” clothes and a microphone clipped to his shirt. He grabs a fuel pump nozzle and gets busy. The little door to the gas tank’s entry port is open and the cap is already off. (That saves time!) Pence inserts the nozzle. Within a few seconds, the pump starts beeping, alerting the customer to the fact that the nozzle has been removed from its dock and the next step — inserting a credit card — can be taken.
“Mike Pounce” is utterly oblivious to the beeping. Apparently, Mother did not allow him to take the credit card out of the house today. Also, Pence never squeezes the handle of the pump at any point in the 63-second video (see below), so even if pre-payment had been made and a grade of gas had been selected, exactly zero gas would have been transferred into the truck’s tank.
Needless to say, the entire internet is either laughing at Pence or ignoring him. In other words, just a regular day.
Why doesn’t Pence actually put some gas in the tank? He must know how to do that, right? Can you name even one of these far-right assholes that can act like he or she has lived in normal society? (They pretend to make calls on cell phones that are shut off, they don’t understand how to laugh or interact with another human, etc.)
Admittedly, getting out of the truck, unscrewing the cap on his tank, inserting a credit card, putting in his PIN, selecting a grade of gas, and waiting for verification would be boring. But it’s a Pence video, who isn’t expecting to be bored?
Here’s a wild and crazy idea: Start the ad with Pence when he’s finished filling his tank. He introduces himself, puts the nozzle back, and then starts lying about $2.00 gas under Trump and his other bullshit before he gets in his truck. Perfect.
Nope.
Pence’s team is confident the very best idea is to pull-up-and-pump, which will have tens of thousands of viewers laughing at his cluelessness within seven seconds — and will be the only thing anyone remembers from this ad.