The Mike Pence-est Picture Of Mike Pence
Does Fervently-Wishing-For-The-Sweet-Relief-Of-Death Guy realize he became semi-famous on Sunday?
Mike Pence is the one presidential candidate we can all agree on, regardless of party affiliation. He’s dull, spineless, hypocritical, and devoid of both new and stale ideas. Listening to him speak makes you wish you were doing something much more exciting, like watching paint dry. His 2024 campaign — which was dead-in-the-water even before he decided to run and which he’s currently refers to in the past tense — has been reduced to holding campaign rallies near the greeting card section in small town drug stores. This amazing picture from Sunday tells you everything you will ever need to know about Mike Pence. It was taken in Sidney, Iowa:
Mike is trying hard to act like a normal guy. He’s holding a coffee mug while hiking up his pants with the other hand. Next to him stands “Mother”, his less-than-enthusiastic wife, who is either making sure Mike doesn’t mistakenly fondle himself or is calculating how much rat poison she needs to put in that mug at the next stop and put an end to these humiliating appearances.
I have so many questions about this picture. Was this in-store appearance planned? Was there local advertising and promotion? Did someone steal a round table with some sugar and sweet-and-lows from the diner down the block? Were these unsuspecting people ambushed while they waited for their prescriptions to be filled? And are they all too damn polite to simply stand up and leave this Fifth Circle of Hell? How many of them, finally allowed to exit the pharmacy, simply walked into the street and stepped in front of an on-coming bus?
The dejected man wearing the off-white pants in the foreground understandably captured Twitter’s attention. He likely has no idea he was a bit of a celebrity today.
Many people tried to imagine this thoughts at that moment:
Man thought this line was for Flu shots...ends up questioning his whole life after 3 mins of Pence talking
“I skipped Shrimp Night at Denny’s for THIS?”
This guy answers every trivia night question “Glenn Miller”
The guy closest on the left: “That’s damn good polish they use on these floors.”
The best comment I saw was probably this one:
Everyone who came to see the fly was extremely disappointed.
But there were other solid entries:
We’ve reached the point in the campaign where Mike Pence is forcing old people at the drug store to listen to his talking points as they contemplate just going home without their meds.
Nothing gives you the respect of a presidential candidate as holding a rally in front of the stool softener and laxative section of the pharmacy.
I don’t understand how free soup didn’t generate a bigger crowd.
If hold music were a person.
When the 15-minute wait following your vax comes with the world’s worst entertainment
I’d like to tell you about the benefits of reverse mortgages, but before I do, let me introduce my co-host for the evening ... Tom Selleck.
The toys next to him are paying more attention!👀🙄🥱🥱😴😴😴😐
Sir, this is a CVS and these good folks are waiting to get their Flu vaccine. Please don’t bother our customers.
For occasional insomnia, four out of five doctors recommend Mike Pence.
More stuffed animals than people.
Mike Pence, married to almost 1/10th of his audience.
Dude, just drop out.
“No, I’m not for lowering your prescription drug costs, Medicare covering eyeglasses, dentistry, and hearing aids, or helping your grandkids obtain health care coverage. That’s why I’m your guy.”
Pence wasn’t done embarrassing himself, though. He also spent time in a room in Ames, Iowa, where as many as three people definitely showed up (two of which ignored him):
“Can we have our juice and cookies now? We were promised juice and cookies.”
Look at them lined up outside the window, waiting to get in.
Evidently, the Ames Police are doing a fantastic job of crowd control.
Pence voter: You’ve got my vote if I live until the election.
A talented guy named Paul Leigh has created a campaign button for Pence:
A question posted regarding the drug store picture:
For Christ sake is anyone more out of touch with reality [than Pence]?
Well, yes, there is someone. Dementia J. Trump, knowing Sidney Powell has flipped on him in the Georgia case, is now claiming the Kraken Lady “NEVER WAS” one of his lawyers:
Back on November 14, 2020, Trump proudly called her one of his “wonderful” and “truly great” lawyers (he hires only the best, you know):
One week later, Powell was identified by numerous media as one of Trump’s lawyers when she spoke at the famous “Rudy’s-Head-Is-Leaking” press conference:
The GOP Twitter account believed she was a Trump attorney.
Mostly because . . . she fuckin was.
And assuming, arguendo*, she was not one of his attorneys, she still attended several of Trump’s super-secret, exclusive, inner-circle meetings, during which plenty of unhinged and illegal shit was discussed and planned, so as long as there’s a sixer of Dr. Pepper within easy reach of the witness stand, she’ll have more than a few stories to tell, with facts that backed up by the testimony of other meeting participants who have given evidence or will be a-flippin’ in the weeks to come.
*: That’s some lawyer-talk, means “for the sake of argument”.
Despite this post by Jenna Ellis, a failed traffic court lawyer who boasted about being on Trump’s “elite strike force” legal team, may have contracted Covid-19 (and baffled scientists) from accidentally huffing one of Rudy Giuliani’s farts, was indicted for her illegal attempts to overturn Georgia’s 2020 election results, and is currently begging for hundreds of thousands of dollars to pay her legal fees, the Kraken was not released. #sad
Other recent stupidness:
Trump breaking the news to unionized auto workers that they’re going to hell and accusing Hillary Clinton of brainwashing people to vote for Joe Biden. . . . Rudy “Truth Isn’t Truth” Giuliani informs us Joe Biden is an Iranian spy. . . . Also, Daddy T wasn’t lookin’ so good last Wednesday:
