What Is Donald Trump's Weight?

The world will find out tomorrow.

I wouldn’t normally give a shit how tall Donald Trump is or what he weighs, but since he loves insulting people who are overweight (or people he believes are overweight; he even fat-shames his own supporters) and has lied every single time when asked what his own scale says, I’m highly curious what the magic numbers will be, when Trump’s height and weight are released tomorrow (along with his mugshot!), following his fourth arrest in the past five months.

In 2018, then-White House physician, sexual harrasser, car wrecker, drug supplier (to himself) and day drunk, and current broken-brain tweeter and continuing day drunk, Dr. Ronny Jackson (who was recently handcuffed and pushed to the ground by police (whereupon he uttered numerous profanities*) in a roadside event that allegedly did not feature alcohol, which, if true, was one of the few events in Jackson’s life to which Ol’ John Barleycorn was not invited) stated that Trump was in “excellent health”. Jackson also stated, with a straight face: “I told the president that if he had a healthier diet over the last 20 years, he might live to be 200 years old.” So . . . we might want to accept Johnson’s figures of 6-3, 239, for Trump with a pillar of salt.

*: “You are a fuckin’ full-on dick! You better recalculate, motherfucker!”

Hey, you know who also weighs 239 pounds? Homer Simpson.

In April 2023, when Trump was arrested for the first time, he told court officers in New York that he was 6-2, 240. He shaved an inch off his height but claimed, in effect, that he had gained only one pound over the previous five years. Uh-huh. In 2020, White House physician Sean Conley recorded 244 for Trump. Does anyone believe Trump has lost weight over the last three years?

The fake mugshot on the cheap, foreign-made t-shirts Trump was selling to the brainwashed rubes earlier this year depicts him as being a shade over 6-5! 6-5!

An online gambling site is allowing people to place bets on Trump’s weight. The line currently sits over/under 278.5 pounds. I would bet the over on that.

Some odds, allegedly from Las Vegas. (I did not verify.)

Height
5’10” 10-1
5’11” 8-1
6’0” 5-1
6’1” 3-1
6’2” 2-1

Weight
239 12-1
250 10-1
275 8-1
300 6-1
325+ 3-1

Last week, Trump was paranoically whining about how Fox & Friends “purposely show the absolutely worst pictures [of me] . . . especially the big ‘orange’ one with my chin pulled way back.” I believe this is the one to which he refers:

I’m wondering how close Donny Snowflake gets to three bills (and if he’s been dieting since he found out his true weight would be made public).

I said 6-0, 295 in this contest because a mug would be nice — but I’m hoping for anything under six feet and over 300 pounds. If it’s under 275, I say: “You better recalculate, motherfucker!”